10 Forsythia Grove
CORSETTSHIRE ZY6 4GT
April 28 1997
My Dear Ralph
Thank you for your efforts in the bunker – and provision of evidentiary material. I did telephone Harriet to relay the news and she was, understandably, very quiet. In fact, she just thanked me and put the phone down shortly afterwards. I don’t know what will happen now.
Meanwhile, with the general election only four days away, I have been out delivering leaflets in support of the Red Rose party. The Red Rose party is, unfortunately, virtually invisible in my part of Corsettshire and matters have not been improved by the blank page – completely empty of information – which appears to represent the local party website! I’m not sure, either, that emblazoning the leaflets with the Red Rose party’s apparent intention to privatise Air Traffic Control has helped its image in the eyes of certain party supporters. Whilst capitalist democrats (such as myself) may well wish to allow market forces to operate freely, Red Rose party sympathisers of a more Socialist persuasion are likely to blow a head gasket upon viewing such information on their own doorstep!
Fortunately, the opposition seem to be equally engaged in acts of self-sabotage. It has been – to say the least of it – ironic that the Blue Ribbon party’s espousal of a ‘Back to Basics’ policy (equated, naturally, with a hankering back to values of traditional morality) should be beset by a whole series of scandals exemplifying the exact opposite. Not only have ministers been forced to resign for acts of bribery (the Cash for Questions debacle) and the sexual wronging of their wives – adultery – they have also been imprisoned for acts of perjury in court. ‘Lying’ is a so much more real and graphic term is it not? And, finally, perhaps the icing on the cake has been one cabinet minister’s description of another’s view on Europe as: “paranoid nonsense.” The generic term for all of the above acts of political corruption – as you may well know – is SLEAZE.
That reminds me dear. The answer to your question about the value of the ring transported back from the Far East by Flamingo (my own personal brush with sleaze) is that its value was assessed to be £0.8m – thus turning it into one of the most valuable diamond rings in the world! Fortunately, when presenting it for valuation at the Marcus Emporium of Silverware, I had the presence of mind to declare that I had found it in the car park at Superior Fare. And I will be sticking to this story should Interpol come to call!